Joke of the Day

Talk with other Shiloh Sharps shooters.

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Gussy
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Gussy »

young gunfighter

A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot.

‘Could you give me some tips?' he asked.

The old man said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?'

'Sure will.'

The young cowboy did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

'That's terrific!' said the cowboy. 'Got any more tips?'

'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?'

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'

The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, grip and all.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'But when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your butt and it won't hurt as much.
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Lumpy Grits
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Lumpy Grits »

:lol:
"Hav'n you along, is like loose'n two good men"
johnl
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Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 9:59 pm

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

The US Navy and Marine Corp
Subject: NAVY


Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a

separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers.

Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised, "Female

sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught

breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued,

"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150.

Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any

questions?"


At this point, a Marine from the security detail assigned to the ship

stood up in the crowd and inquired...


"How much for a season pass?"
johnl
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

John told his wife "I've got a problem".
She stopped him right there. "No dear, we have a problem. We're in this together John. We married for better or for worse. Therefore, your problem is our problem".

John sighed in relief. "Well, now it's hardly worth mentioning".
But his wife was insistent. "Go ahead John'', tell me. What's wrong?"

John replied "Somehow, we got your sister pregnant!"
johnl
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

Milton came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her.

"Darling, I'll always love you" she said calmly, filing her nails.

"How about if I became impotent, couldn't make love to you anymore?" he asked anxiously.

"Don't worry, darling, I will always love you!" she told him, while buffing her nails.

"Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Milton went on. "If I weren't pulling in high six figures any more. Would you still love me then?"

The woman looked over at her husband's worried face "Milton, I'll always love you" she reassured him. "But most of all, I'll really miss you".
johnl
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Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 9:59 pm

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well" he said "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack". The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says "You never told me that you were such a religious person".

He then leans over to her and says "You never told me that your father was a pharmacist!" :lol: :lol:
TexasMac
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by TexasMac »

The Chicago Police Dept has replaced all sirens with the National Anthem, forcing suspects to stop running and take a knee.
:roll:

Wayne
NRA Life (Benefactor & President's Council) Member, TSRA Life Member, NSSF Member, Author & Publisher of the Browning BPCR book
http://www.texas-mac.com
Woody
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Woody »

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married.

Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Woody
Richard A. Wood
If you are surrounded. You are in a target rich environment.
Woody
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Woody »

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married.

Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Woody
Richard A. Wood
If you are surrounded. You are in a target rich environment.
jackrabbit
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by jackrabbit »

BREAKING NEWS

The NFL has announced that due to lost revenue from anthem protests,
they will be cutting a team. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Green
Bay Packers will be combined to form the Tampacks. It is estimated
they will only be good for one period and will have no second string.
SIXSHOOTER
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Location: idaho falls, idaho

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by SIXSHOOTER »

A cowboy maries late in life. The first couple of years are perfect but after that she starts to nag him something awful. Finally he saddles his horse and is walking out of the coral. She follows him close, nagging all the way. His horse kicks her in the head and kills her on the spot.

At the funeral the preacher notices that when the women talk to him he nods his head up and down but when the men talk to him he nods his head side to side.

The preacher finally ask him what the women are saying and he says things like you'll find another, and well bring food, and it was such a tragedy. Ok that makes sense so what are the men saying. Well says the cowboy, they all ask if they can buy my horse.
DK
johnl
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.
TexasMac
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by TexasMac »

SIXSHOOTER & johnl,

Good ones!!! I'll have to pass those along.

Wayne
NRA Life (Benefactor & President's Council) Member, TSRA Life Member, NSSF Member, Author & Publisher of the Browning BPCR book
http://www.texas-mac.com
johnl
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Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 9:59 pm

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

An Italian's Confession to his Priest
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy,
went to the local church for confession in 1960..

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man
said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our
neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from
the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have
no need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual
favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on
Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did,
you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those
circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.
However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed
forgiven."

"Thank you, Father.. That is a great load off my mind. I do have one
more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?''
TexasMac
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by TexasMac »

Image
NRA Life (Benefactor & President's Council) Member, TSRA Life Member, NSSF Member, Author & Publisher of the Browning BPCR book
http://www.texas-mac.com
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