Joke of the Day

[jackrabbit]

The Farmer said, "No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I want this Dayvorce!"

Let's not go down this road. Thanks

Steve, only a stupid redneck would be racist, and the point of the joke was to laugh at a stupid redneck. The fact is we were not picking on black folks and we have not done that anywhere in the last 49 pages of gut busters, even though we have heinously insulted just about every other category of human being. Sorry you were offended, but please don't be so sensitive.

[bpcr shooter]

y'all know what is considered a mixed feeling??????????????????????????? seeing your mother in law back over a cliff in your new truck!!!

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?................Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.

(ol man bout pissed his pants when i told him this un) The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall and the owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?........................Beef strokin' off.

What Are the Three Parts of a Wood-Burning Stove?...........................Lifter, legs, and poker

what starts out soft, dry and pink and ends up wet soft and pink???????????????????????????????? yup bubblegum

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I'd like a bag....................... I said "nah, I'll just turn the lights off."

What's the definition of a surprise?........................ A fart with a lump in it.

My wife complained that the vacuum sucks too hard on the rugs and I made a joke... anyway, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.

How does a man take a bubble bath?...................... He eats beans for dinner

why do farts stink..........so deaf people can laugh too!!!!!!!!!!

How does a man show he's planning for the future?........................ He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

i got way too many of these!!!

[bruce m]

chuck Norris went to a feminist rally.
and came home with his shirt ironed.

[johnl]

chuck Norris went to a feminist rally.
and came home with his shirt ironed.

[SFogler]

Steve, only a stupid redneck would be racist, and the point of the joke was to laugh at a stupid redneck. The fact is we were not picking on black folks and we have not done that anywhere in the last 49 pages of gut busters, even though we have heinously insulted just about every other category of human being. Sorry you were offended, but please don't be so sensitive.

Believe me, I appreciate that there are not racist posts on this forum and both my wife and I appreciate the welcoming we always get when we come shoot with you all. That has certainly not been the case in other activities we have tried in the past. Sometimes things can be taken the wrong way; example: many, many posts about state of BPTR and the NRA that quickly seems to degenerate into some petty, nasty name calling that has to turn off new shooters. I am not sensitive or offended- my only concern was that the Joke of the Day will stay funny and not wind up like the NRA threads and go places it hasn't so far and shouldn't ever. No harm. no foul.

Now what's funny is my big bore silhouette score Saturday was higher for that one day than my two day score was at your last regional .22 BPCR silhouette match.

[jackrabbit]

10-4 Thanks for your input, I got it.
take care my friend, Cody

[bruce m]

good one johnl.
bruce.

[johnl]

I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife" the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl. "But I don't know her size".
"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
"Why yes" he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours".
"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.
"Now that you mention it" he replied "she also needs a bra".

[johnl]

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

[TexasMac]

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the car running and the windows rolled up. Her eyes were closed with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay; Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour (at least it seemed that way to her, it actually had been 15 minutes, she blamed the inability to tell time on her head injury).

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. From the back seat a Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and
thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is blonde, a Democrat, and a Biden supporter; but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and it was determined to be Trump's fault.

[johnl]

Pick on the Irish time


Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea. He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't even got any money to pay for these drinks!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers!'

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, now here's the plan. I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman immediately noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm absolutely drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'





Good Irish joke

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."

The man says, "I can''t take anything from you, I''m just glad I didn''t hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I''ll give him the three things that I would want. I''ll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great love life."

Well, a year goes past and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.

The leprechaun says, "I''m fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"

The golfer says, "It''s great! I hit under par every time."

The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note."

The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your love life is?"

The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, I have a date maybe once or twice a week."

The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Only once or twice a week?!"

The golfer, a little embarrassed, looks at him and says, "Well, that''s not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."


Good Irish joke

Irish 7 course meal?
6 pack and a potato


Good Irish joke

Shamus says to ol' Murph..."what in the hell are ya' sooo happy about??" and he replies, "you're not gonna believe it, I found us this bar that for $2.00 they let ya' drink all the Bushmill's ya want!!!" "Yer bull schattin" says Murph. No, and the best part is they take ya in this little room in the back and get ya laid!!!!!" Murphy says, "now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.....are ya tellin me that for just $2.00 they get ya drunk off Bushmill's and then get ya laid?????" "That's what Im tellin ya!!!" replies Shamus. "And you've been ta this bar have ya???" asks Murph. AHHHHH, well no not exactly, but me sister has!!!!"


Good Irish joke

Why did god invent whiskey?

To keep the Irish from taking over the world.



Good Irish joke

Irish Blond

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino during the SHOT Show. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"

She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly parted.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb.....
But all men...Are men!

[kenny s]

Time for an Italian rebuttal...
Louigie was walking down the street and sees Pasquale....and he has a black eye!
Pasquale...what happened?
well, he says, I went to Mass and Mrs. Guadalupe sat in front of me. the one with the big rear end....
I noticed her dress was caught in her crack, so I PULLED IT OUT. then Boom, I'm on the ground.

Louigie says, Pasquale, your cant' do that....don,t' do it again.

next week Louigie sees Pasquale walking down the street, this time with Two black eyes.

whata happened now he says.
well...I went to Mass again , and Mrs. Guadalupe sits in front of me, .
and she didn't have her dress caught in her bum.....So I know she liked it that way..
AND I PUT IT IN BACK THERE FOR HER.....

[TexasMac]

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Trump ends US China trade war;
Swaps Hong Kong for California in unprecedented deal
Washington DC—After months of growing trade tensions between the US and China leading to an impending global recession, along with mounting strife in China’s Hong Kong province prompting dissidents to wave American flags, US President Donald Trump has negotiated quite possibly the biggest deal of his life.
The US will trade the entire state of California for Hong Kong in a flat exchange.
“Basically everyone in California wants to be commies and Hong Kong wants to be American, so we did what we call a win-win-win and traded the two in a tremendous deal,” Trump said in a press conference announcing the unprecedented deal.
Markets responded with a complete turnaround from recent declines and posted record numbers.
Californians and Hong Kongers were dancing in their respective streets—Californians are happy about the 1-child-only policy and being run by the Communist Party finally!—and Hong Kong is happy about being part of the free world once again.
“This is an amazing day for everyone involved. Everyone should really be happy about this!”

[Gussy]

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[TexasMac]

Posted for Halloween.

I’d have the brandy & lots of it prior to the procedure.

Wayne