Joke of the Day

Talk with other Shiloh Sharps shooters.

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outsidebear
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2008 1:06 pm

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by outsidebear »

What happens to the orphaned lil' chicks on the farm when the mother hen dies?






They go to Foster Farms
Andre
Posts: 53
Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2010 8:51 am

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Andre »

must be a regional joke...
outsidebear
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2008 1:06 pm

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by outsidebear »

johnl
Posts: 812
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 9:59 pm

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

A simplified urine test that may be relevant for us!!??

Go outside and pee in the garden.
If ants gather:- diabetes.
If you pee on your feet:- prostate.
if it smells like a barbecue:- cholesterol.
if when you shake it, your wrist hurts:- osteoarthritis.
if you return to your room with your penis outside your pants:- Alzheimers
TexasMac
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by TexasMac »

Speaking of peeing...

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NRA Life (Benefactor & President's Council) Member, TSRA Life Member, NSSF Member, Author & Publisher of the Browning BPCR book
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TexasMac
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by TexasMac »

GREAT ORATORS OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY.......

"One man with courage makes a majority"
~Andrew Jackson

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
~Franklin D. Roosevelt

"The buck stops here."
~Harry S. Truman

"Ask not what your country can do for you;
ask what you can do for your country"
~John F. Kennedy

But wait ....There are more Great orators of the Democrat Party
–MORE RECENT GEMS of wisdom:

"It depends what your definition of 'is' is?''
~William Jefferson Clinton

"Those rumors are false. I believe in the sanctity of marriage"
~John Edwards

“Gorsuch isn’t fit to serve because he uses law and not emotions.”
~Kamala Harris

"What difference does it make?" (re: Benghazi)
~Hillary Clinton

"I invented the Internet."
~ Al Gore

"America is, is no longer, uh, what it, uh, could be,
uh,what it was once was, uh, and I say to myself, uh,
I don't want that future, uh, for my children."
~Barack Obama

"I have campaigned in all 57 states."
~Barack Obama (Quoted in 2008)

"You don't need God anymore; you have us Democrats."
~ Nancy Pelosi (Quoted in 2006)

"Paying taxes is voluntary."
~Sen. Harry Reid

“Homicide is the leading cause of murder.”
~Rep. Sheila Jackson

“No ordinary American cares about Constitutional rights.”
~Joe Biden

“Having an abortion is no different than having one’s
tonsils removed.”
~Elizabeth Warren

“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be
in the Constitution.”
~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (2018)

"Bill is the greatest husband and father I know.
No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he is."
~Hillary Rodham-Clinton (Quoted in 1998)

"You have a business, you didn't build that. Someone else did!"
~Barack Obama (Quoted in 2012)

“Social Security has nothing to do with the deficit.”
~Bernie Sanders

And the most ridiculous gem of wisdom, from the
"Mother Superior of STUPID":
"We just have to pass Obama's Healthcare Bill to see what's in it."
~Nancy Pelosi (March 2010 )
As one Doctor said: "This is also the perfect definition of a stool sample."

Beyond a doubt, the greatest statement of all was made by
the Democrat House Speaker at the first Congressional session
after Ted Kennedy was caught, on camera, having sex with one
of his aides on the deck of his yacht ….
"Ah see that the good Senatuh from the great state of
Massutwoshits has changed his position on off-shore drillin'."
~ Sam Rayburn

AND THE LATEST FROM THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL, STUPID BUNCH IS…….

"My fear is if North Korea nukes us, Trump is gonna get us into a war."
~ Maxine Waters......2017

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work very hard to remain STUPID!"
~Benjamin Franklin~ (1706-1790)

I am adding Nancy Pelosi’s most recent quote:

“You need to vote for the Democrats otherwise the illegal aliens will lose their rights”!
~ Nancy Pelosi......2019

What planet is she from exactly?
NRA Life (Benefactor & President's Council) Member, TSRA Life Member, NSSF Member, Author & Publisher of the Browning BPCR book
http://www.texas-mac.com
Yellowhouse
Posts: 517
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:27 pm

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Yellowhouse »

GUNSMOKE'S Long Lost Episode "FINALLY FOUND"

Chester comes riding into to Dodge City Buck Naked!
Matt: "Whoa Chester! you can't be running around like that without your clothes...how do you explain yourself?"
Chester: "Well you know... me
and Miss Kitty were riding out by the Thomas ranch and we stopped at
that little lake to water our horses...then Miss Kitty said "it would
sure be nice if we could take a swim here being so hot as it is"...and
I told her we didn't have no bathing suits. Miss Kitty then told me to
hide behind a bush while she got naked and in the lake...then I was to
do the same. After a few minuets we both came out of that lake...both
naked! and Miss Kitty said to me "you know Chester now that we are
both naked...and there is nobody around...and you're a man and I'm a
woman...I can't think of one reason why you don't just "mount up" and "go to town!" "So here I am Mr Dillon!"
Sam
johnl
Posts: 812
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 9:59 pm

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

My wife had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet.
Finally, I got around to doing it while she was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time, I got home and realized her predicament. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.

Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts. Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.) My wife tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before".

The Doctor replied "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed"
johnl
Posts: 812
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 9:59 pm

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

I couldn't help but overhear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.

One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired". His buddy says "Man I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. She's after me 3 and 4 times a day, I just don't know what to do".

A fellow about age 70, sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.

He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says: "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit"
1911Tex
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 10:43 am

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by 1911Tex »

I have been to Europe several times and never knew how Yodeling began...did you?

Many years ago, a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the traveler was extremely handsome and the farmer's daughter asked her father, 'Who is that man going into the barn?'

'That fellow traveling through needs a place to stay for the night, so I told him he could sleep in the barn,' said the farmer.

The daughter said, 'Perhaps he is hungry.' So, she prepared a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing was disheveled and there was straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. She fetched a bottle of wine and took it out to the barn! And she did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. 'How could he leave without even saying goodbye,' she cried. 'We made such passionate love last night!'

'What?' shouted the father, as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, 'I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!'

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hands next to his mouth, and yelled out.....

"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO! "
TexasMac
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by TexasMac »

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http://www.texas-mac.com
patchbox
Posts: 328
Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2012 10:47 am
Location: California

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by patchbox »

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained,

"Lord have mercy!

I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law!

I'll lose my license!

They'll throw both of us in jail!

All kinds of bad things will happen.

Absolutely not!

You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

"You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
TexasMac
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by TexasMac »

This is hilarious!

Day four working undercover... and they suspect nothing so far!
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http://www.texas-mac.com
Gussy
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Gussy »

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johnl
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by johnl »

Cool Pee'in awn me flowers...........


A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag."


"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see
if I can find them.
Thanks for telling me, Officer."


"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.
" Where did you get all that money?
You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady.
"You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come
and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden.
It used to really tick me off.
Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?'
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say,
'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing.
"OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."
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